it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
