Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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