She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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