vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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