Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
