i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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