You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
