i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
