Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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