I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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