Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
