her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
