pop tarts are not kleenex
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
