i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
