He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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