i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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