Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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