Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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