Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
