I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize