Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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