Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize