Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
