So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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