I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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