It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
