i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
