No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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