there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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