It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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