She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
