He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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