Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
