you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
