DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize