All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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