Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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