Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
