WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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