Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
