do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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