And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I touched a dick in church today
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