I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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