they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize