they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
why is half of my head shaved?
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