The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
