big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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