call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
