what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
