...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize