i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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