my phone needs a breathalizer
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
