no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
