Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
