just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
