you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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