I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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