two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
