we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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