Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
