I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize