Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
