haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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