the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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