I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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