You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
