Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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