Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize