So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
