Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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