it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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