i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just found puke in my bra..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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