Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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