I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
