My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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