i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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