Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
