Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
