so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
