We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
