maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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