my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I want a musical about memes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
