Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
