Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
