I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
