lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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