Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize