so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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