i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Who died my cat blue again?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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