Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
