that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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