He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
