Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
