he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
