I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize