We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
