Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
