I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
