I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
