"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
