I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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