Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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