If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
