Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Green mimosas i think yes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
