how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
