he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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