Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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