the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
