You're my little dorito
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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